i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
