i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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