My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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