Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Two words: nipple clamps
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