The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
