Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
