You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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