can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
