Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
