dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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