My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
