Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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