even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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