He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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