You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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