Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
