I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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