That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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