Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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