you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
