How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize