Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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