I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
