I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
