ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
