I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
