guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize