im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
