It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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