On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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