Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize