Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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