I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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