This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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