thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize