there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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