saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
