i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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