I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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