Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My ATM looks so different sober.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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