...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
