i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Little spoons don't ask big questions
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
