I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize