Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
