just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
