I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
