Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
