Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
