Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
