just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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