Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
