How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
