i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize