I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
