I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
