someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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