I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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