road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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