just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
