we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
