I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
where am i from again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
