i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
