I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
